


Duet or Trio

by Claraoswatson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Brotp, F/M, Friendship, Love, M/M, OTP Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4749599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claraoswatson/pseuds/Claraoswatson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"James loved Sirius and Lily. Was it that complicated?" Marauders era oneshot- James Potter's love for Lily and Sirius as he considers his life and the war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duet or Trio

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy :)
> 
> Sometimes questions are more important than answers.  
> ~Nancy Willard

James loved Sirius and Lily. Was it that complicated?

It was complicated enough for James to lie on his back, trying to stare at massive white clouds breezing by above him, only to be blinded by the sun. He lay in the middle of the Quidditch pitch under the guise of planning a new attack formation for the Gryffindor chasers for the coming match against Ravenclaw. The Ravenclaw Keeper was stronger than he thought she would be. Apparently she had been training very hard during the summer to build up her strength. He was supposed to working on how best to beat her, but his mind was wandering.

NEWTs were coming this year, requiring an amount of focus that was nearly unreal, but it was still amazing how difficult it still was for him to do just that. Everything spun around in his head like dozens of little snitches. He was Captain of the Quidditch team, Head Boy, studying for NEWTs, an animagus, supporting his mother after his father’s death, supporting his friends through their various troubles (like lycanthropy, family estrangement, and self-esteem issues), completing that ridiculously complex Herbology assignment, hopefully, maybe dating Evans seriously. The War.

He had no idea what was coming. Every time he thought about it, how bad it was, how much worse it could get, his stomach took a dip, worse than the time he lost control of his broomstick when he was eight and he went hurdling towards the ground, only to be saved by his father just before he crashed. He had no father to watch his back now. 

He didn’t want to admit that he was scared, but how could he not be?

The world was coming apart at the seams, fraying, not just at the edges, but everywhere, and it was only getting worse. He had an outrageously long list of people he was scared for. His mom, his cousins, all his friends, the so-called blood traitors, his teachers, the muggle-borns… Hell, he was in love with a muggle-born, for Merlin’s sake!

James would have considered that a problem if it weren’t for the fact that the War made everything seem small in comparison. This was more of a… trifling embarrassment that he should fall in love with someone so quickly. He was pretty sure he should still be at the “You’re cute and clever and good at snogging, let’s do this again soon” phase, not the “Let me love you, you perfect being” phase. He was moving the wrong kind of fast and he couldn’t even tell Sirius. Not because he would make fun of him, but rather because he was nervous about changing the dynamics of his friendship and life. With the war tearing everything apart he was scared to change his few absolutes, to chance any unrest between the Marauders. 

He had always fancied Evans, yes, but this romance with a serious possibility of going somewhere was as nerve-racking as it was exciting.  
Up until two weeks ago, if asked seriously, with no choice, but to give a solemn response, James would have said the great love of his life was Sirius. He was his dearest friend. A brother.

It was a different kind of love. Lily made his heart beat jump around and skitter, made him sweat with nervous excitement (not that he’d ever let her know), while Sirius made his heart slow down, beat warm and steady, the age old comfort that could make just about anything all right and funny.  
Now he was confused.

Was it possible to be equally in love with two people at once?

They were different sorts of loves, yes, but he still felt them deep, like they were forged into his soul. He still felt a little lonesome if he went a while without seeing them. Still perked up, saw the world as much brighter when he was with them. Still wanted to spend most of his time with them, even if that meant doing the most pedestrian of things, like homework, or making fun of the Slytherins.

He’d still die for them or with them.

When he was younger he never thought that would be a thought he could easily come to terms with. Something he would have to come to terms with. It was the War. It made everything, including him seem small.

Except it couldn’t manage the same for his love. Not for Remus or Peter or his Mum, or Professor McGonagall, or Marlene MacKinnon, Shacklebolt, or Mary MacDonald, or Frank and Alice, or the Prewetts, or anyone else amongst his friends and family. 

Least of all Lily or Sirius.

It was all about perspective. Usually James would agree with the idea that sometimes the question was more important than any answer that could come out of it because asking the question was most necessary. In this situation the question didn’t really matter, not when the answer was so momentous, so big. Especially when the war could make everything seem small, except for that.

He had them both and they had him.

And besides: they still had these sunny days.


End file.
